Week 155: Comparison Shopping

The former Yugoslavia

A white Ford Bronco

A $4 haircut

The devoted followers of Pat Buchanan

A bowling ball

The Washington Wizards

That gap between Letterman's teeth

Butt cleavage

Gaithersburg, Md.

Bob Dole's grandfather

A pound of poop

A pound of aluminum

A pitchfork

That dog on "Frasier"

Saddam Hussein's brother-in-law

Pringles with olestra

Those Ads featuring Ronnie Mervis, of Mervis Diamond Importers, Inc.

This week's contest was suggested by Russ Beland of Springfield, who wins the fabulous Disaster of the Month Calendar, a gigantically scientific 1996 calendar that is not at all gratuitously lurid except for the enormous photographs of horrific diaster scenes, one a month. Russ suggests that you explain the difference between any two of the above items. (As in "What's the difference between that dog on "Frasier" and a pound of aluminum? Only one of them should be put in the microwave.") First-prize winner gets an "Alien Autopsy" videotape, a value of $30. Runners-up, as always, receive the coveted Style Invitational Loser's T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to The Style Invitational, Week 155, c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C., 10071, fax them to 202-334-4312, or submit them via Internet to this address: losers@access.digex.net. Internet users: Please indicate the week number in the "subject" field. Entries must be received on or before Monday, March 11. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced in three weeks. No purchase necessary. The Faerie of the Fine Print & the Ear No One Reads wishes to thank Malcolm S. Forbes Jr. of Bedminster, N.J., for today's Ear No One Reads, plus his $10,000 contribution to the Style Invitational. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, humor or appropriateness. Washington Post employees and their families are not eligible for prizes.

Report from Week 151, in which we asked you to play tabloid journalist, submitting new, lurid headlines for real stories in that Sunday's Post.

Fourth Runner-Up: CLINTON LEAVES WIFE (Rodney and Joyce Small, Herndon)

Story reported president's departure from Washington with aides for a quick campaign appearance.

Third Runner-Up: Texans Watch Killing, Do Nothing (Fred Dawson, Beltsville)

Story described an execution.

Second Runner-Up: Californian Shoots 201 During 3-Day Spree in Buick, Continues to Elude Pursuers (Michael J. Hammer, Washington)

Sports story reported that golfer Lennie Clements held on to the lead after three days at the Buick Open.

First Runner-Up:

Baboon-Man Escapes! (John Kammer, Herndon; Bruce Johnson, Annapolis)

Story reported that the recipient of an ape's immune cells was feeling so good he had resumed an active lifestyle, even going boating.

And the Winner of the Tabloid Teasers board game:

College Men, Coeds Streak to 7-Eleven (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

Story reported on consecutive victories by George Washington University's men's (seven games) and women's (11 games) basketball teams.

Honorable Mentions:

Aliens Captured Alive Near Nation's Capital! (Russell Beland, Springfield; Tommy Litz, Bowie)

Story reported an Immigration and Naturalization Service raid at a Bethesda restaurant.

30,000 Wet T-Shirts! (Sue Lin Chong, Washington)

Story reported flooding in the Northwest.

Populace to Submit to Sailors' Base Desires (Jim Proctor, Bethesda; Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Story reported the community's uneasy acceptance of expanded Navy bases in Maryland.

$400,000 Poured Into C&O Canal (Michael J. Hammer, Washington)

Story reported on the status of a donation drive to repair the canal.

Machine Crushes Man Before Mate! (Phil John, Arlington)

Story reported that Garry Kasparov conceded defeat in his first game against a computer.

MA TAKES AX TO COMPOSER! (Fred Dawson, Beltsville, R. Gregory Capaldini, Arlington)

Story reported that cellist Yo-Yo Ma had persuaded pianist Emanuel Ax to accompany him in a Schubert concert.

Buchanan Strains for a Number 2 (Jean Sorensen, Herndon)

Story reported on the race for the second-place finish in Iowa.

And last: Replace The Washington Post with The New York Post (Russell Beland, Springfield).